Contact · 140 Cedarcrest Dr · Nashville, TN 37212

Slow queries deserve a voice, not a ticket number.

No portal, no chatbot, no queue that answers in four to six business days. Ring (917) 414-1843 during bench hours and the phone sounds on a walnut workbench in Nashville — beside the brass lamp, the cold coffee and somebody else’s slow log — and the voice that answers reads query plans for a living, not a script.

Ring the bench Send the query that hums
Fig. 1 — the bench line A black-and-brass rotary telephone on a walnut workbench beside a laptop glowing with a query plan, lit by a single brass lamp

Answered Monday to Thursday until six, Fridays until one.

  • Jack 1 — Ring the bench (917) 414-1843

    Mon–Thu 8am–6pm · Fri to 1pm, Central. Best for “it’s slow right now and we don’t know why.”

  • Jack 2 — Write it down info@thackeraysons.com

    Paste the query, attach the EXPLAIN, describe the graph. Replies within one working day.

  • Jack 3 — Knock on the door
    140 Cedarcrest Dr, Nashville, TN 37212

    Whiteboard sessions and migration rehearsals, by appointment only.

01 / When the lamp is onCentral Time

Hours the bench is listening

Four long days and a short Friday. The phone rings through the radiator tick in winter and the cicadas in August; after Friday at one, the lamp goes off and the slow logs wait their turn.

On the phone
Picked up during bench hours. Outside them, leave a message with the query that’s hurting.
By email or the form
A written reply within one working day — read properly before anyone types back.
After Friday, 1pm
Read first thing Monday at 8am, oldest message first.

It’s 3:28 PM in Nashville and the lamp is on. Ring (917) 414-1843.

The week, 6am to 8pm

  1. Mon8am–6pm
  2. Tue8am–6pm
  3. Wed8am–6pm
  4. Thu8am–6pm
  5. Fri8am–1pm
  6. SatClosed
  7. SunClosed

The green needle marks the time in Nashville right now. Hatched days, the bench is dark.

02 / The triage sheetFive sounds we hear most

Describe the noise. We’ll name the fix.

You don’t need the right vocabulary to get in touch — the symptom is enough. Find the line that sounds like your week, send what’s in the middle column, and we’ll arrive at the first call already listening.

  1. “The orders page turns to treacle after six, right when the West Coast logs on.”

    Send ahead
    • Top 25 statements by total_exec_time from pg_stat_statements, or the MySQL slow log
    • A screenshot of last week’s CPU and IOPS graphs
    Usually lands

    The Tuning

    $3,850 fixed · 10 business days

    Book The Tuning

  2. “The replica fan spins up at 2 a.m. and the lag graph climbs like a fever.”

    Send ahead
    • pg_stat_replication output, or SHOW REPLICA STATUS on MySQL
    • Your autovacuum settings and the cron list for anything running overnight
    Usually lands

    The Tuning

    $3,850 fixed · 10 business days

    Describe the lag

  3. “We know exactly which queries are flat. Nobody on the team has a free afternoon to fix them.”

    Send ahead
    • EXPLAIN (ANALYZE, BUFFERS) for the worst offenders
    • Your ORM and its version — Rails, Django, Prisma, Hibernate, whatever’s writing the SQL
    Usually lands

    The Rewrite

    $8,700 fixed · 3 weeks

    Hand us the list

  4. “The board wants us on Aurora by spring, and the word ‘downtime’ makes our CEO go pale.”

    Send ahead
    • Database size, engine version and peak writes per second
    • Target provider — RDS, Aurora, Cloud SQL, Azure or Neon — and the date you’re aiming at
    Usually lands

    The Move

    From $14,600 4–6 weeks

    Talk through the move

  5. “We tuned with you last year. Lately there’s a faint hum again on Monday mornings.”

    Send ahead
    • Nothing new — we keep your baseline on file
    • Just tell us when the hum started and what shipped that week
    Usually lands

    Second Listen

    $1,275 per quarter · after any engagement

    Ask for a second listen
03 / The front-room workshopBy appointment

Pull up a stool at number 140

Most of the work travels over a read-only connection, so you never need to come in. But some conversations sound better around a whiteboard — a migration cutover, an index tree that won’t sit still on a video call. For those, there’s a brick bungalow on Cedarcrest Drive with a navy door and a pot of coffee already on.

CEDARCREST DR NO. 140
Fig. 2 — the whiteboard wall A whiteboard of hand-drawn index trees on a navy wall in a sunlit front-room workshop, with two stools and coffee mugs on a walnut table
The workshop
140 Cedarcrest Dr
Nashville, TN 37212
  • Visits by appointment — we confirm the time by email the same day you ask.
  • Bring a laptop with VPN access to a staging clone if you’d like to rehearse live.
  • The cutover runbook comes printed, rollback page on top.
Walk the route to number 140 Ask for a whiteboard hour
04 / Ready when your graphs areReplies within one working day

Play us the note that’s off

Where most teams begin

The Tuning — a fixed-fee audit of your PostgreSQL or MySQL database: $3,850, ten business days, read-only access, and a ranked report with the SQL for every fix. Invoiced net-15, only after the report lands.

Or ring (917) 414-1843
After you press send
  1. i.

    Read, not skimmed

    Your message is read in full at the bench — query, graph and all — before a reply is written, within one working day.

  2. ii.

    An unhurried listening call

    We open your worst plan with you live and say plainly whether an audit is worth the money, or whether one index will do.

  3. iii.

    A scope on paper

    If it’s a fit, a one-page scope with a fixed fee arrives by email. Nothing starts until you’ve signed it.